"If thy brother shall sin against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear, take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he will not hear them, tell it to the Church. But if he does not hear the church, let him be to thee as an heathen man and a publican."
Matt. 18:15-17
I was just out of Seminary…young and full of energy, idealism, and a desire to serve.I was trained (I thought) to not only preach and teach, but also to lead the church and help people with their problems. I was extending my education by reading some of John Wesley’s sermons— good stuff for insomniacs.
It was the mid-80s farm crisis— Southwest Minnesota.Not the rich-soiled river bottoms or low prairies... but the Buffalo Ridge; windswept, rocky, prone to hail storms & early frost— hard to make a living in that geography even during good times.
It was winter.The church was only heated in the basement during the week, and in a closet just off the sanctuary that had a sign on the door that read “Office” I got a phone call one day from a member who told me she had to talk.Something about a burden she no longer could carry.She said she would come to the church.After she hung up I was thrilled and nervous all at the same time.This is why I went into the ministry...to be of help.
She knocked on the “Office” door and came in, the cold of the sanctuary flooding in and settling on the floor as she did.She “unburdened” herself by telling me about some neighbors who were also marginally connected with the church... “Elmer and Doreen.”Practicing my listening skills, I heard this woman’s deep concern for the couple.She told me they were farmers.They had one grown son, and an adopted girl about 11 years old who was brilliant and musically gifted.Elmer tended to drink too much now and then, she told me.He was quiet most of the time, but had a mean streak under it all.Occasionally, Doreen would have to stay on the farm for days at a time, or wear sunglasses to cover bruises, or make excuses for her clumsiness.
With whispers and soft phrases of concern, this woman told me about “Elmer’s” problems.With a vocabulary of righteous indignation she “unburdened” herself.Then she told me that I couldn’t tell anyone that she had brought this information to me, yet it was clear that she expected me to fix it.As she stood in the doorway, the chill of the sanctuary pouring low into that small room, she said, “Good luck with that Pastor,” and shut the door.What could I do about it?No permission to enter it, no power to fix it.I was in over my head.
“Let no evil talk come out of your mouths,” the author of Ephesians says in today’s lesson.“Do not speak evil against one another,” the letter of James says.John Wesley, in a sermon on evil-speaking says that evil-speaking isn’t lying; it isn’t slandering, or even what we call gossiping. What we say can be the Gospel truth and it can still be evil-speak. Evil-speaking is speaking ill of someone when they aren’t present to answer for it.It is, according to Wesley, “relating something evil, which was really done or said by one that is not present when it is related.”[1]
Well, I guess I can add that to my list of things I’m guilty of now.As a recent quote I saw reminded me: “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a poor memory.”Sometimes it is also a sign of ignorance— ignorance of the ways that we sin and harm each other and the body of Christ in very subtle ways we aren’t even aware of. I’m always shamed when it is spoken of someone “You know, she never spoke an evil thing about anyone.”
We’re all guilty of sinning with our speech.Often we can couch it with concern, with soft and whispered words.We can bookend it with heart-felt qualifiers and expressions of good-will.But it is evil-speaking. Whenever we preface our remarks about someone with “Bless his heart” or “God bless him…” you know there’s going to be a “but” that follows that isn’t so flattering.Seems odd that we rarely bless someone without slamming them soon afterwards.
The standard prayers of confession refer to the ways we sin in “thought, word and deed.”Yet, it seems that in today’s environment we have reversed the order…we are more concerned with actions as sins (the deeds) than we are with our speech.And we’ve dropped off the scale of our awareness those destructive thoughts that Jesus warned us about as being equally sinful in the Sermon on the Mount: “Whoever lusts... whoever is angry with his brother...”In august of 2005, the Reverend Pat Robertson suggested that the U.S. ought to assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.We have a problem with our tongues...and our minds and souls it seems.
In the Book of Proverbs we see consistently an awareness of our speech’s power and our moral responsibility for it.In one verse:
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (18:21).In another,
“To watch over mouth and tongue is to keep out of trouble” (21:23).
That one reminds me of something I read recentlyC“Light travels faster than sound.That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”A final quote from Proverbs: “Rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (12:18).
Jesus offers some sound advice about our speech and about forgiveness and reconciliation within the church in our Gospel text today.The topic is; what does the church do about those within it, who’s clear and obvious sins, destroy the unity and integrity of the community?The goal is always restoration, reconciliation, forgiveness, but how do we go about bringing it?
The healthy course of dealing with this problem that Jesus outlines for us entails no evil-speaking.No secrets.It means being accountable for who you’ve sinned against and how you’ve sinned. It means being accountable for our words; everything straightforward and above-board.Secrets allow irresponsibility in thought, word, and deed.An un-signed letter of complaint is irresponsible... fuel for destructiveness (and that’s why they are thrown away when received by an SPRC or Bishop by the way).
Jesus is telling us that if we’ve been harmed by someone else, we need to take responsibility for it.Enter into a partnership, in a sense, with the offender, in resolving it.Anything less is not Christian community.If we do not take responsibility for seeking restoration of the relationship, it seems that we are entering into the sin... allowing its destructive power to have its way.
When that woman came to me in that small office on that cold winter’s day, not only was she evil-speaking, she wasn’t taking responsibility for her part in the body of the church.Family therapists call that triangling... it’s when all the pressure and responsibility to fix a problem is placed upon a third party who has no power to deal with it.“Good luck Pastor...Don’t tell anyone that I said this...”I was irresponsible in listening to her evil-speaking, and in taking on responsibility when I shouldn’t have. I sat there in my small office alone and grew angrier and angrier with this gossiping woman who “dumped” this onto me and made me responsible for it.My anger was righteous indignation; after all, she was an evil-speaker!
Then I read in John Wesley’s sermon that there is an exception to this Biblical rule against evil speech, and that is to protect someone innocent from harm. Then, Wesley says, we can “speak evil” of another to prevent the harm, but to do so “with fear and trembling”, as dangerous, powerful medicine.Suddenly I was shamed for my judgments of this woman and I added to my awareness of yet another way I sin.Thanks a lot!As if I didn’t have enough already!The ignorance I enjoyed of most of my sins was nearly my only refuge.
Jesus offers to us in these instructions what it has taken thousands of years for family therapists to discover.Healthy families or systems function without secrets, lies, evil-speaking, over-responsibility or lack of responsibility.If we follow Jesus’ teaching, it might take the fun out of dysfunctional... it might be less exciting and colorful...less like a soap opera…perhaps more like the Kingdom, and certainly healthier.
The church is called to be a community of health—where we speak the truth to each other in love.We must model healthy functioning, where we hold each other accountable; encourage responsibility, forgiveness and reconciliation.
Eventually some doors opened and “Doreen” was able to find refuge and be safe from the torrent of abuse and alcoholism. Let us pray for those who remain in fear, dread and hopelessnessC and let us exercise an awareness of our own habits of speaking, so that what we say is “useful for building up… so that our words may give grace to those who hear.”So be it.Amen.
[1] “The Cure of Evil-Speaking”, Sermon 45, The Sermons of John Wesley, 1872 edition.
